“Are we going to be good parents????” asked about 1 million times. A day.
Finding out you’re expecting your first child is incredible. Finding out that your first child is going to have to be a little warrior is a little less normal. Finding out that your child will be joining ‘The Zipper Club’* is petrifying.
I don’t know how much I’ll be on here over the next few months. It may be I find release in writing about it, in seeing how God is still weaving His masterpiece as I watch in confusion. It may be that writing something down is too much. I don’t know so I just thought I should warn you.
I have already written a few pieces but they’re raw, very raw, and I’m not sure how much honesty the internet needs about this. I am learning faith and pain can walk hand in hand. I’m learning it’s possible to think you’re doing ok, you really are, only for a baby grow to cause absolute sob fest. I’m learning all the lessons I thought I’d learnt about trust through the CFS were the warm up for this and I don’t feel ready. I’ve learnt you can feel peace and I’ve learnt you can choose to step outside that peace. I’ve learnt there are a lot of hurting people in this broken world and sometimes having everything ‘not ok’ in our lives gives us a doorway into theirs. I’ve learnt a mother’s love for her unborn baby is fierce. I’ve learnt the love a daddy has for his little baby can cause this mummy to tear up.
I will learn.
How much of that is internet-worthy, I don’t know. Guess we’ll find out!!
*An exclusive group of people who have gone through open heart surgery leaving them with a scar like a zipper on their chest. (Source: Urban Dictionary)