The Unwanted Season, Episode 10 (My Unsung Hero)

He’s my rock (with a little r),

my emotional balancer,

my carry-you-upstairs-er,

my tap turner,

my hold-you-when-you-fall-apart-er…

…and so many other things and I need to tell you that. No matter how strong I can seem, if I didn’t have Joel next to me and holding me up (sometimes literally!), I would crumple.

God is my strength, He is my Rock (with a big R) and He is my salvation – do not doubt that. But there is no way I could live as I do without an incredibly supportive, caring and tender husband who isn’t afraid to put the brakes on when I get carried away in a brief spurt of energy. He treats me with dignity, even when I have to be looked after like a child. He makes me smile and laugh, even when the reminders of what I am incapable of pile in. He is so encouraging as I make baby steps and chafe at not being able to run marathons yet. He is, quite simply, the most amazing husband I could never have even imagined hoping for.

God knew I would need a strong man to carry me through this season and He has blown me away with who He brought along! It’s funny because I think people look at Joel and see this laidback, semi-serious/semi-funny, diligent, musically talented guy and miss just how awesome he is. Yes, he is all of those things, but this man stepped into a marriage with a woman officially classed as sick (potentially for the rest of her life). He chose to do that and he’s chosen to stay by me, not only dutifully but faithfully and with a love that shakes me when I realise how deeply it’s carved into him.

There was a song written and the chorus said: “When God made you, He must have been thinking of me” which always sounded so big-headed to me! It’s true though – God had to have been thinking of me when He knit Joel together because only He could have known the kind of man I needed by my side to walk through this and only He could have got it so perfect!

To my incredible husband: I love you and I am so blessed that you asked me to be your wife. I promised you in sickness and in health and we know I always try to keep my promises so I live in hope there’s some health up ahead somewhere! May we keep walking together and with God, may we be that threefold cord that is not easily broken. I love you, my cariad, my Joel.

To those who know of someone with M.E. and/or fibromyalgia: give their family a break! These illnesses affect everyone in a family, not just the person who has them. Joel sometimes has to work a 12 hour shift, come home, make us dinner, help me get washed and dressed, massage me, get me into bed and then wake up after a few hours to top up my painkillers (because whoever designed the packaging wasn’t thinking and I often can’t actually get into them!) and ease my body when it goes into tremors.  Then he wakes up at 6.30 to get ready to go back to work. So if he doesn’t appear to be pulling his weight outside of the home (which he actually does a really good job at!), remember he’s not just a husband, he’s a carer and he’s got an awful lot on his plate. The families and particularly spouses of people with chronic illnesses needed your help, prayers and understanding – they are already pulling more than their fair share!

***

And Joel won’t let me post without adding his own thoughts so I thought I’d better let him… 😉

Hello, Joel here. I don’t particularly want to turn this is a festival of mutual praise, but I told Becky she wasn’t allowed to post the above unless I was allowed to tell you the truth about her.

Becky is an amazing woman. No matter how tired she is or how limited her energy, she will find something useful to do within her capabilities. On a really good energy day that might be three hours of ironing, tidying half the house [he definitely exaggerates!], and cooking me an amazing dinner ready for my return from work. On a more common low energy day it might just be doing paperwork and updating the accounts (and still somehow scraping the energy together to put delicious meals on the table). Even on the days where she can’t move from bed all day [sadly common], she’ll still ask me to get her computer and will spend whatever time she can on church notice-sheets, house-hunting, story writing, or anything else she can. She insists on being as useful as she can, and let me tell you, she does a very good job of it. My life would be a shambles without her. I haven’t lived in so well-ordered a house in decades. It’s paying off too – we’re at the stage of life where we have to talk to the nice people at the bank about giving us large amounts of money to buy a house with, and today when we went to sign the deal for the mortgage, the adviser said he had never seen any applicants come in with such organised, detailed finances in his whole career. And that was all because of Becky. As is the speed with which we were able to act when we found the house we’re hoping to purchase. As is so much else in my life.

Seriously – she’s a fantastic woman and I am so incredibly blessed to have been given her as my wife. I wouldn’t swap My Becky for anything or anyone.
Back off guys, get your own. This one’s mine, and I’m keeping her.

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