Blotchy face, snotty nose, red eyes. When I cry, I do it properly. Forget a beautiful Hollywood moment. This is serious stuff. My quilt tent was just big enough for me, Peter (my stuffed penguin) and a box of tissues.
There are people who have it an awful lot worse than me in this world and I really and truly get that. (There are people who have it an awful lot easier than me currently and I really and truly get that as well!) But sometimes life still just hurts. It doesn’t matter where you are on the pain-o-meter, whether you’re in the middle, nearer the top or at the bottom – the plain fact is, you’re hurting. And I was hurting in my quilt tent. I wanted more. I wanted the energy to be able to help out properly at church, to be able to clean my house fully and not have to prioritise (because seriously, the kitchen sink and the shower both need cleaning and I don’t want to have to choose which needs it more because they both do!), to be able to go on a several-hour-hike with my husband, not a two minute crawl. So it hit me with a wallop and I gave into the tears because, at that minute in time, all I could see was one big word: useless. Satan got me and he kicked me right where it hurt. I felt useless and, if you look at my current workload, I think it could easily be argued that I *am* useless.
My quilt tent was just big enough for me, Peter, the box of tissues and a Saviour who joined me there and told me to read Micah. I obediently got my Bible and started reading Micah. Several pages of doom and gloom, of judgement poured down on a disobedient people, and I was really wondering what on earth He had for me. Then I got to Micah 6:8:
“O people, the Lord has told you what is good, and this is what He requires of you: to do what is right, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.”
Do you see the list: make sure the house is immaculate, always be on top of the ironing, always cook a meal from scratch, be involved in at least three activities at church, etc…? I didn’t. Satan can call me useless all he likes but God pointed out what I was supposed to be doing and, whilst I wouldn’t claim to be perfect at it, I am doing it. I am doing what He asks of me. There may come a time when I am supposed to be doing those other things (and I can’t wait!) but how can I currently be useless if I am doing what God wants me to do?
So Satan, just for the record: “But me, I’m not giving up. I’m sticking around to see what God will do. I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.” (Micah 7:7, The Message)
P.S And I’m not useless either.