In films, even the bad times have a slightly romantic tinge to them. Everyone knows there’s a happy ending coming (unless you just like watching depressing films – The Alamo, for instance!!).
Real life doesn’t work like that.
In real life, bed rest turns into a boring monotony of fighting back the urge to go for a hike in the woods (even though you know you don’t have the energy to) or dreaming of an hour browsing through charity shops for vintage items (even though you know that would tire you out). House arrest isn’t romantic. It’s not even fun (yes, people, a month off work sick is not fun! No matter what you think!).
It’s not what I want.
But it’s what I have.
For the first few weeks, I was too exhausted to feel anything. Sleeping constantly sounded great.
By week 3, I was starting to get cheesed off.
By week 4, I was properly fed up. My attitude was starting to stink.
By week 5, I faced a decision:
If my faith is real, it has to impact this.
I’ve prayed for healing and it’s not come so maybe it’s time to start praying I’ll reap the lessons of this season. Sometimes the unwanted seasons are the ones we grow the most in. And I was really, really messing up that chance. Personally, if there’s a lesson to be learnt in this sort of situation, I’d like to learn it this time round, not have to do a repeat!
He sent me a verse to cling to – somehow it’s come alive in a new way. Isaiah 40v.31: “but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
I’ve always tended to focus on the soaring part. But the first part – they will renew their strength. So their strength may be giving out, they may be close to falling – but their strength will be renewed in times like that. Sometimes, like at the moment, I feel like the renewing is just enough strength to help me make the day. But, really, that’s all the strength I need isn’t? The strength to be right now. The strength to love, and live, and praise, and worship, and trust, right now.
I’ve always been the kind of girl with her sights on the future. Maybe it’s the reason I love the sea so much – just that limitless horizon. But perhaps lesson 1 of this ‘Unwanted Season’ is learning to be where I am and to be there 100%. As my very wise mother said, maybe the lesson is learning to be a human being, not a human doing.
So hello, guys. I’m back. And I’m sorry for the MIA. I’m not promising regular updates because this past month has taught me how crazy life can go when your back is turned. I was hoping to start a series sometime soon but I think I’ll put that on hold until life stabilises. But I’ve missed being here, in this space, so we’ll see what happens. 🙂 Thanks for hanging in there with me.