Today was a good day. I wrote a list and got 15 of the 16 items done on it. I’m feeling accomplished. But more than that, I’m feeling closer to my Heavenly Father because I did today with Him.
When I actually ‘became a Christian’ (instead of just being a girl from a Christian family), I seriously thought I’d get more and more perfect as the days went by until by the time I died as an old lady, I’d be practically perfect. I know, I know, it’s not Biblical but I was young and romantic, ok? I never considered the fact that actually I’d become more aware of my ‘cracks’ as time went by. Or how easy it would be to slip into bad habits again.
Sometimes fighting gets tiring.
Sometimes I really can’t be bothered.
Sometimes I think it’s easier not to create waves ‘cause then maybe Satan will either forget me or decide that as I’m not doing much he doesn’t need to devote any attention to me.
It’s cowardly but it’s easy.
This past week it’s been easier not to fight for my quiet time. It’s been easier not to address my attitude. And I felt rotten inside. I was a proper prodigal. Wallowing in myself, ignoring the fact I’ve been called to more, asked of more.
Thank God (I mean that), He’s the Father that runs to pick us up.
Thank God, He isn’t content to leave me in that mud pit.
Thank God, I am called to more.
And I truly thank God that He forgives.
So last night I bowed before the Throne and asked for forgiveness. But I knew it wasn’t enough to say I was sorry. An apology in the night doesn’t mean repentance. I had to live like I was sorry. Which meant getting up early this morning to spend time with Him before attacking the day.
And I mean attacking.
I had to fight to stop myself talking a few times as I prayed to get my attitude back on course.
I had to fight not to snap at another annoying comment.
I had to fight to do something and not sit and surf Pinterest all day.
I had to fight not to get so engrossed in my list that I forgot to stop and praise Him for the beauty in feathers, the colours of the trees, laughing with sisters, a tasty meal…
But I did it. I didn’t do it myself. I’m not that naïve any more. It’s a battle and if I stand alone, I get crushed. But I wasn’t called to stand alone. That was never part of the deal. Someone had my back (and sides and front).
So I’m feeling accomplished today. That’s what I was saying.
But more than that, I’m feeling like I’m walking forward on the path again. I feel like a fighter again, not a spectator.